I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
