You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
