Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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