Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize