Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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