Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
