The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
