im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
