After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
