Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
