do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
