how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
