we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize