take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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