I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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