she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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