i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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