i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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