I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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