I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
