I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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