Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
no you cant smoke seaweed
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize