Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
