well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
