Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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