What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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