fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
