We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Enjoy the penises
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
