im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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