why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
