I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
