somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
