Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize