just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize