It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
