Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
