I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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