I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Girls should come with a carfax report
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
