You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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