Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We have started to decorate penises.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
