So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
