I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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