Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
