my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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