You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
