im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This is my gift to your gina
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
