Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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