the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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