Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
