Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
