you guys were way drunker than both of me
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
