It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
