Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
