so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
