i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Couch. On fire.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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