she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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