don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
