So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
