He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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