trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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