Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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