A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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