Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So vagazzling was a success
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
