her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize