so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
