party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
