spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
