Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
