Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
