either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
