god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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